The Daily Meat
Call it a Journal - Call it a Diary - Just don't call it late for dinner...unless you're serving some meat.
I wanted to make an easy reference section of unfiltered day to day thoughts, frustrations, wins, or whatever
As I progress forward in my carnivore quest of 365 days... and beyond.
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I WARN ALL GRAMMAR & PUNCTUATION POLICE
THESE ENTRIES ARE NOT EDITED AND ARE USUALLY WRITTEN AT 5 IN THE MORNING
SEND ALL COMPLAINTS TO: YOUR SOPHOMORE YEAR COLLEGE ROOMMATE
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*The Daily Meat is now located exclusively
on the FDT Facebook Page.
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Feel Free To Check Out Previous Entries Below
FD&T - The Weigh-In
Original Day 1
July 25, 2023
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Weight: 256
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Height: 5'10 1/2 inches
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BMI: 35.7
Look Away!
Save Yourself!
I do not feel "obese" at all but according to the BMI scale I am actually, at my current weight, Obese Class 2. At my highest weight, about 300 Lbs I was 41.8, class 3. Yikes! Top of the charts. But that was back in 2012 and it has been a slow, (anything but linear,) decline since then but now I am going for the brass ring. Hopefully these pictures do not send you packin. Let's get going!
Day 1 - July 25, 2023
Weight: 256 Lbs
You cannot be serious! Day 1 again. What a kick in the balls. After losing more than 35 pounds in April & May of 2023, I had one bite of ice cream that turned into an all out binge and then for 2 months it has been on and off the wagon on a day to day, week to week total chafe bomb. Argh! Brain hijacking and the the mayor of food psychoville. Well, glad to finally be starting again...especially since I was going to wait until August 1st. It was time.
Day 2 - June 26, 2023
Weight: 254.6 Lbs
If you have ever wondered if processed food addiction is real, Jesus, just give it up for a day or two. Processed wheat has always been my kryptonite and just 1 day in and my neck hurts, head hurts, brain fog, you name it. The carnivore diet is very low carb, sometimes zero, but that won't hit me for at least another few days when my body's sugar reserves will run out. It is referred to as the keto flu. I am hopeful that my 60 days carnivore a couple of months ago will still help me adapt to burning fat happen a little faster. Powering on!
Day 3 - July 27, 2023
Weight: 252.9 Lbs
You have to love water weight. One of the most motivating parts of the carnivore diet is the early going, for any low card diet really: the bloat sheds fast and for me, I actually feel lighter today. Had some cravings last night watching the tube but nothing major. Oh and did I mention I love breakfast! Here is my breakfast this morning, Think this will kill me? Think again. Check out the FAQ for more info on this. Some people think carnivore is restrictive but what I learned from my previous 2 month attempt is that it is the first diet that I have ever done where I feel totally satiated and content after eating. This meal is awesome and one of my staples.
Day 4 - July 28, 2023
Weight: 251.4 Lbs
Hangry today! Day 4 and day 2 are always the hardest when I go lo carb. Day 2 is mental but day 4 is physical as I adjust to burning more fat than carbs. I've heard can take up to 6 months for your body to be fully adapted as all those little mitochondria shift over. Feeling sluggish today and definitely can see my mind focusing on the negative stuff. Have to remember why I am feeling that way and that we are looking long term here. Not much of a fuse today so look out people!
Day 5 - July 29, 2023
Weight: 249.5 Lbs
Noticed almost immediately this week that my need for coffee is significantly reduced. I usually have 3 coffees during the morning, sometimes 4 but almost from day one going carnivore I am just having 2. I think there are a few things going on here, but when eating such clean foods like meat, the body becomes more sensitive to everything. When I am shoving processed carbs in my face all day my body it kind of slows everything waaaaaaaay doooooooown hence, I need more. It's a nice benefit. And when I say 2 cups of coffee I am talking normal sized, mug coffees not these giant monstrosities that are at Starbucks.
Day 6 - July 30, 2023
Weight: 251.1 Lbs
Whoa! My weight went up - No too concerning actually and it is probably due to wine the past two nights for sure. Many hard line carnivores eliminate alcohol from their diets entirely but I am not, although I would like to cut down the amount and frequency of alcohol in my diet for sure. Right now, I need to focus on one thing though and that is sticking to carnivore eating and going one day at a time with the long haul pic in my mind. It sucks to ever gain weight though. One tidbit: In a recent study of ketosis & alcohol consumption, it was noted that study participants in the ketosis group had a significant decrease in alcohol desire and consumption on a keto diet compared to participants eating more of a standard American diet. I am actually going to be writing a full post on this so please subscribe if you would like to hear more about that.
Day 7 - July 31, 2023
Weight: 249.5 Lbs
I have heard forever how valuable having a journal is when working through anything in life but I could just never get over the hump. I have always loved to write but pen to paper was never my thing. Always crashed and burned. Waking up each morning and just doing this little snippet each day has proven to be a really nice surprise in that it seems to open up some space in my brain each day. Also, back down under 250 again which is a good mind boundary. This is not all about losing weight but it is a very important component, as extra fat is linked to just about every known disease.
Day 8 - August 1, 2023
Weight: 249.9 Lbs
Man. No joke today. Woke up at 4 this morning and am totally wiped. This is not unexpected but never welcomed for sure. I actually thought I would have some exhaustion days earlier but my energy has been pretty stable so far. Not today though. Ugh. Just have to power through. Cuttin this one short. See ya tomorrow. I am sure I'll swing the other way by then.
Day 9 - August 2, 2023
Weight: 251.1 Lbs
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Things are getting real now, that's for sure. After the last 8 weeks of eating a lot of processed crap, I can just feel my dopamine receptors draining out. It's like having a barrel of water with a leak, and then after some time that barrel starts to empty nearing the bottom. Last night before dinner I could actually feel my brain "wanting" something to fill this void. It is looking for the hit, much like alcohol or drugs. I have been in this place many times but each time I have a bit more knowledge and being able to see it for what it is, helps. Onward.
Day 10 - August 3, 2023
Weight: 249 Lbs
I work for a property management firm in New York and this morning one of the building fire panels decided to have some glitches and called my cell phone 10 times with an automated response to kindly let me know. They started at 4am so here I am, up and at em. For the first time yesterday, I skipped breakfast because I was just not hungry and did not see the need to force it. I have a lot of experience with intermittent fasting over the past few years and most people on carnivore long term rarely eat 3 full meals. It is such a nutrient dense diet that it's a natural occurrence. I was bit apprehensive about it though, because not eating can be a big trigger for binge eating, cravings, etc. Oddly that did not happen until I ate lunch and then came home. By dinner I was craving processed crap again but had my B for D. Bacon and eggs. Nailed it. Side Note: I am really enjoying these journal entries, especially as soon as I wake. It is something about tapping into "creation" for lack of a better word first thing. Sets up the day.
Day 11 - August 4, 2023
Weight: 248.7 Lbs
Oh do I yearn. It's weird, on Day 11 Carnivore I feel totally satiated, never physically hungry at all, but last night my wife Brig and I were watching some tube and sitting there I could recognize this almost imperceptible feeling in the background...just lightly under the surface and if I didn't stop for a second and lean into it a bit I may have totally missed that it was there until it hit me hard after building into an all out craving. It was a very gentle... yearning. Wow. It may not seem like much but it was powerful to sit with that yearning for just a few moments to recognize it, feel it, allow it and move on. It was a yearning for escape...numbness...the kind of stuff that comes with big, fat, processed wheat, sugar and fat that can only be created by the most addictive food on the planet. Any guesses? Pizza of course. I was not hungry, but was yearning for what I used to call "the woof". Where your eating until stuffed and then... woof. You're done. Happy to have recognized this as it was happening. It went away on its own after that. 10 Days in and 7 pounds down, feeling good but I know that more challenges await.
Day 12 - August 5, 2023
Weight: 249.2.1 Lbs
Well, one thing is for sure I have learned a few things in 40 years of dieting, reading, trying and failing. One thing I have learned about is triggers and dammit if going on vacation to my parent's Vermont lake house isn't cause to strap on the ole' feedbag and let loose, I don't know what is. We are actually meeting up with my best friend and his family for 5 days which should be a blast, but I know when I first sit down on the comfy couch...I will feel some cravings buuuuuuut I also know to expect it, listen to it, acknowledge it and let it pass on its own. Easier said then done but knowing that these triggers and cues have led to my downfall before are a good reason to be on the lookout. A mind hawk this weekend.
Day 13 - August 6, 2023
Weight: N/A
It's official, my best friends think I am crazy.. or maybe even literally insane. I think it is tough for anyone who would has not considered whether processed food addiction is real, or if they have not experienced it for themselves, to understand that it is VERY REAL and attempts to moderate for me and many others (white flour especially for me), are impossible. IMPOSSIBLE. Once I learned this, however, I realized that the only thing that would work for me is abstinence. I do not think they understand this as they are both very good moderators and can eat processed food and then go back to more healthy eating. Or if they do understand it, I do not think they understand the extreme of Carnivore. *Also: I forgot to bring the scale up so I have to wait until tomorrow when my wife, Brigid, brings it up to Vermont so the weigh in will have to wait.
Day 14 - August 7, 2023
Weight: N/A
Still waiting for the scale but I will have it for tomorrow's weigh in. My buddy came out to the kitchen this morning and as I was making some bacon and friend eggs, I took out the butter, and plopped a nice chunk in my coffee along with heavy whipping cream. It is safe to say he really thinks I am crazy now. He believes, as millions of people do, that saturated fat is the leading cause of heart disease and should be avoided at all costs...and in the context of a high carbohydrate diet this could be true to some degree. High carb and high saturated fat together are a deadly mix, just see the average weight and ballooning cases of chronic disease of Americans... but high saturated fat with low carb and moderate protein is proving to be the best weight lost diet. The anecdotal evidence is beginning to get overwhelming and doctors are starting to take notice. It takes time and lots of conversations to overcome decades of nutritional dogma.
Day 15 - August 8, 2023
Weight: 248.7
Not going to lie here, way to much to drink yesterday or at least I am feeling it today. Many carnivores find that after a while the urge to drink fades and I have found that to be the case sometimes as well, but hanging with our best friends I love me some vino. One bad thing about Carnivore? The booze hits harder the next day. Some say it is because you don't have the carbs to soak up the alcohol but man I am shot today. Gotta power through but will try to lighten up on the wine a little bit. Many carnivores don't drink at all, and while I would like to reduce my consumption for sure, I am not going to work on that yet. As Confucius said, "He who chases two rabbits, catches none". Still planning for Sober October. Anyone else? :)
Day 16 - August 9, 2023
Weight: 249
I am purposefully not exercising at the moment, I want my body to adjust again to eating carnivore at least a little bit. The last time I did, after about a month I almost "had" to exercise because I had such a good deal of energy. Still tired today but I am not guilting myself about this. Not exercising is a choice at the moment but I think that will change soon. On the other hand, Brigid is doing a lot of walking, running and exercise in general these days which is great to see.
Day 17 - August 10, 2023
Weight: 247.4
Lots of meat yesterday and I am feeling good. It's funny because my being carnivore is a little bit of a punchline around here but not in mean way at all. I have actually started to refrain from bringing it up at all. As you can imagine, most people are not like me and don't want to talk about nutrition and food addiction for hours on end. It can be tiresome for some I am sure. But sometimes... only eating meat and animal products can seem odd to others and the easiest way to shrug it off is with a flippant comment or joke. No biggie. I get it. Yeah, it's weird...but not as weird as eating f-in vegetable seed oils in processed food that have been chemically extracted with hexane and high heat and basically cause our bodies to malfunction from the inside out causing chronic disease. Now that's weird. How do they even get off calling them vegetable oils? Total horse shit.
Day 18 - August 11, 2023
Weight: 247
We all went out to dinner last night to celebrate a great 5 days together on vacation. Our friends are leaving in a few hours and it will be sad to see them go. Even though the weather was not great it was a fun time with a lot of relaxing. I will say, my steak last night was really good. A shout out to The Lake House on Lake Bomoseen in Vermont. We have been going there for over 40 years and seen it change names and owners many times. This was one of the best steaks I've had there. Oh, and I will mention, I had some onions with it. I know, not carnivore but I'm not a psycho. You have to live a little but for me that means saying no to bread but saying yes to onions sometimes which can pack a powerful flavor and still not send me off the deep end into a food addiction relapse. Not a ton of anti-nutrients either so I am feeling good about it. Still on common sense carnivore course. :) Oh and even better, weight still went down a bit!
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Day 19 - August 12, 2023
Weight: 246.8
Home. After a relaxing 7 days away we are now home. That can bring a different kind of craving I have found through the years. There is a part of me that loves sitting on the couch after a long trip and relaxing with my wife, some wine, a good movie, and about 3500 calories of processed crap. That voice can tell you that you need it but recently I have been working on training that voice to say something different when I am "wanting" to be entertained by food. I tell the voice to say "what can I eat to seriously nourish my body". I have been saying this for a few weeks now and it seems to get me out of the negative cycle of craving food for pleasure and then feeling like I am denying myself. Onward!
Day 20 - August 13, 2023
Weight: 246
This is the least I have ever thought about weight or even eating now. I am mostly eating three meals a day now because I just love bacon and eggs in the morning. I am still losing weight and like I said I do not care at all at this point how fast I am losing. I have a long term goal in mind but I am seriously going one day at a time. writing this online journal is feeling so beneficial to me. I just feel "lighter", no pun intended. I am going to keep it up. The only bad news? It's Sunday. Back to the grind tomorrow and there is a palpable "ending of the summer" feeling in the air and conversation. Always a little sad but I am looking forward to my 51st birthday in January and being in the best shape I have been in years.
Day 21 - August 14, 2023
Weight: 245.3 Lbs
Back to reality. Lose weight on vacation? Really? Who is this person. This cannot be the TK who usually goes off the rails and eats every bad thing within arms reach while away from home. 3 pounds down while on vacation I will take that. Feeling hopeful this morning, although I can feel the lingering effects of drinking too much over the break. Carnivore can definitely reduce cravings for alcohol but there needs to be some mindfulness and will involved too. But heck, it was a fun vacation and I am already setting my sites on Sober October as a true carnivore test. Let's finish out the summer on a fun note, watch some football and then clean and sober October. Onward.
Day 22 - August 15, 2023
Weight: 245 Lbs
Today is our 14 year wedding anniversary. It is hard to believe it has come this fast. I actually shared a post on FB of a picture from just before the reception when we drove the boat up. It's a classic,. but I also can't believe that guy is me. All I see is some fat dude in a tux who used to be in shape, used to run like 7 marathons play hockey, tennis, you name it. I am so thankful for my wife and family, but it is so hard to look at pictures like that through the years where the wait just kept coming on no matter what. There are always those days when you just give up and can't "try" anymore to be thin & healthy. Even at my biggest I was always working on dieting. I keep harping on the addiction component of this whole thing. A lot of people can take or leave bread, pasta, etc but I just can't. I know if I eat one bite I will be off my rocker and headed to Fat Dons (McDonalds) for a two cheeseburger meal and sidecar 4 peace mcnuggets. The thing is, it might not happen immediately but it is usually a slow fall from grace. From that one bite it might take weeks before I am caught up in the storm again. I resist, resist but then finally the will breaks and the flood gates open. No different than drugs and alcohol for others. Luckily, my wife has been with me every step of the way of my madness and coming to grips with this. It has not always been easy, but I do feel as though I am going through a shift. One day at a time. Thank you honey for being there through all of this. (She will probably yell at me for posting anything about her.) :)
Day 23 - August 16, 2023
Weight: 244.8 Lbs
Energy. Swings. :) The past few days I have been reaping some of the benefits of carnivore big time. On Monday I was flooded with energy all day, super focused and able to stay on task effortlessly. Tuesday, after a weird night sleep I was sleepwalking all day, but again today loads of energy and focus. This is all coming from a guy who used to feel like I was treading through quicksand all day long pretty much every day of the year. I always had to fight my body to get moving. Not today. Processed carbs drain your body of real energy and literally disrupt your bodily process at the cellular level and boy can you feel it. The industrial seed oils that are in EVERY processed food actually mess with your mitochondria and are one of the primary drivers of metabolic dysfunction - man do I feel good when I get that crap out of my system. Don't get me wrong, I have had some bad days the past two weeks while my body adjusted but I am adjusting faster this time since my last 2 month carnivore period was not that long ago. Some of the adaptations stuck with me for the 6-8 weeks.
Day 24 - August 17, 2023
Weight: 245.9 Lbs
I have a blind spot as a human - I just kind of figure that every other person on the planet has read all the same health and wellness books & studies I have, because why wouldn't everyone be obsessed with that stuff? Somewhere in the back of my deranged brain I always just take it for granted that they have all listened to the same podcasts, watched the same videos of people Ken Berry, Paul Saladino, Laura Spath, and on and on down the carnivore rabbit hole. This could be the reason why, when someone finds out I absolutely love saturated fat, animal meat, eggs, and cholesterol , and consider them to be HEALTH FOODS, that they look at me with pity as though I am going to keel over right then and there and they will have to perform CPR, not an enviable task considering my general appearance these days. So I guess the problem I am having is...once they ask me if I am worried about heart disease and yadda yadda yadda, there is really no way to reply back to that without getting the glazed over look of "TK's a conspiracy theorist now and I am pretty sure he's lost his mind." It is such a difficult and momentous mountain to climb because of we have indoctrinated to thing saturated fat is bad for so long it's just who we are. But I guess that is another reason I am doing all of this... it's another way to spread the word.
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Day 25 - August 18, 2023
Weight: 245.5 Lbs
I have said many times that I am trying not to focus on my weight but as of now I am "only" down 10.5 Lbs in 25 days which is so much less than I normally would lose when going lo carb carnivore. I am intentionally eating regular, nutrient dense meals so I do not get caught in that extra hunger trap. Trying to keep the positive mindset that I am in this for the long haul but also want to make sure I am losing since that extra weight is such a huge risk factor for all the bad stuff. One thing, however, is that I started up some weight training in the last week, nothing major but squats and pushups, but I have been pushing myself each time and am definitely stronger already. Muscle does weigh more so that could always offset a little. Another carnivore bonus? Muscle builds fast. I'm giving my body everything it needs to build muscle and considering I don't have that much of it to start maybe it does actually make a difference with weight! Lol. So, At this point I have not even released this site to the public. Right now, it's just for me. As I continue to put it all together, I am filled with doubts...or should I say fear that I will literally look like a total idiot doing this. On the other hand, something has been pulling at me for over a year to do this, to put my struggle out there in the light. It just kept pestering me, whispering in my ear for so long. So next Wednesday is my plan to tell people about this "project". Back to work. If you are reading this at some point, I do hope it helps in some way. No matter the strategy, losing weight is always hard for so many reasons but carnivore is by far the best, most satiating, fulfilling food plan ever. It's 100% real food.
Day 26 - August 19, 2023
Weight: 244.5 Lbs
Waking Up. For the last 10 years or so it has gotten harder and harder to wake up in the morning and get going. I attributed it to getting older, poor diet and drinking too much but mostly just to age. Creaking bones, aches, pains, and a general inability to function until a cup of coffee. So now my coffee consumption has gone from 4 cups a day pre-carnivore to 2 cups and I also don't need one in order to wake up and especially come on here and start writing. I am able to do that without it. Here I am am at day 26 just a few days away from launching the site and while I have had some energy swings in both directions, overall I am feeling better and this is just another perk. All that PF (processed food) just wears the body down. The seed oils are actually poisonous to our body and even though I have known this for a wile, it seems that now it is more internalized...I am sure the writing every day helps with that. Removing them from the diet and eating clean meat and animal products gives the body exactly what it has been craving for so long. Oh, and I have these sporadic bouts of happiness too. Now that's a another good perk. :)
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Day 27 - August 20, 2023
Weight: 246.2 Lbs
We had a beautiful dinner out last night for our 14th wedding anniversary. We went to an Italian place that has some really good food but they also are well know for a damn good rib eye. I splurged again for the some sauteed onions on the side for a special occasion and all of a sudden I am up almost two pounds today - water weight sure, but not sure why. They did taste a litrtle sweet so it is possible that there may have been something in there. Cooked in seed oils perhaps or some sugar? It goes to show that eating out and eating strict carnivore is almost not possible without bending on some things. I am not carb phobic at all, but I am phobic of anything that is going to send me into a crave cycle and sugar could do that. My favorite part of any restaurant order is saying things like "arugula salad? roasted potatoes. No thanks. Just steak on a plate."
Day 28 - August 21, 2023
Weight: 245 Lbs
Believe it or not I am not a conspiracy theorist but going to bed last night my stomach was rumbling a little bit and felt off. I woke up in the middle of the night with slight nausea and let's just say spent a lot of time in the bathroom with some severe GI distress. Looking at what I had eaten the previous 24 hours the only thing out of the ordinary was the restaurant the night prior where there may have been something wither in how they cooked my steak or the onions. Unfortunately, restaurants have been using cheap seed oils so long and they have become such a staple of nearly every dish and cooking method due to cost that they are so hard to avoid when going out. I have little doubt that after a almost a month eating really clean that something added in that restaurant was just plain dirty and did it's work on me. Feeling better now though.
Day 29 - August 22, 2023
Weight: 244.7 Lbs
Phew - back under 245. I hate looking at the scale but when there is weight to lose, there is weight to lose. Turns out our dinner out had some consequences besides just stomach issues - weight gain. These days most doctors in the carnivore space are espousing seed oils as one of the primary drivers of obesity and metabolic dysfunction. The amount we have ingested over the years as a species continues to increase exponentially. We are literally in the middle of the largest nutritional experiment in history and unfortunately the only hypothesis I can come away with is - these chemically extracted, highly oxidized oils are wreaking havoc inside our bodies. For most people a little here or there probably won't make a huge problem but they build up and now are in just about everything. It is tough to escape and one can feel trapped for sure.
Day 30 - August 23, 2023
Weight: 243.3 Lbs
Ok, I feel better weighing in comfortably under 245. I am trying to not think about it much but when it's on my mind it will be in this journal, that way I get it out. :) I have been right around 245 for a while and figured i would start to drop a little soon. I have become sort of in tune with my body a little. One thing about carnivore - you become much more sensitive to everything physical...like caffeine, hunger, heat, etc. It is as if you do not have processed carbs weighing you down - putting up some kind of barrier between yourself and the outside world. I feel more in it. More engaged. I am trying to be more comfortable in knowing the weight loss will come in time. One foot in front of the other,
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Day 31 - August 24, 2023
Weight: 242.5 Lbs
30 days of carnivore in the rear view mirror. Some immediate take a ways on month #1:
Weight Lost: 13.5 Pounds
Energy - Stable and increased
Mood: Very stable. Less highs and lows.
But Houston we may have a problem. Once again I awoke with some stiff stomach cramping. I am not sure what it could be at this point since I ate pretty clean yesterday. It could just be some more adjustments going on. Oh wait, I forgot I have been fasting, unintentionally, each morning for the past 4 or 5 days. That will bring changes in gut flora so that could be part of it. Hoping to feel better tomorrow. Not very hungry for lunch so took it easy. It could also be that I am launching this site today and am just a bit terrified to do so. Buck up little camper. Everything will be OK. Now toughen up and get the show on the road. Site hits at 7pm. OK. I'm off. If you read this, please reach out an say hi. I would love to hear from anyone with encouragement, or even some grammar police. Everything just got bigger and bigger as I went along with building the site so there is a lot of proof reading to do today. Thx. Oh, and I think I am going to do my first ever video update in the next few days or this week. so keep an eye out! Or subscribe for a heads up: HERE
Day 32 - August 25, 2023
Weight: 241.5 Lbs
Wow, I am an idiot. It finally occurred to me why I got those stomach cramps so acutely yesterday and the previous time. As I have written here so many times, starting a carnivore diet seems to make us more sensitive across the board, caffeine, food, alcohol. Our body just does not respond the same way when it is weighed down by heavy, processed food. So, here is the eureka moment. I took a desiccated organ supplement each time about 18 hours prior to the upset. I think I had completely blocked it out mentally. I literally haven't taken them in months and I remember now, the first few times I did, that it caused the same thing until I was adjusted to them. Not sure why I had blocked out that memory. Anyway, I barely ate anything yesterday because I was so bloated and felt sick to my stomach.I am putting them on the shelf for now though. It was a bad reaction. So stupid! But hey, I dropped like 3 pounds because of it. I am sure I will rebound with some good eating this weekend.
Day 33 - August 26, 2023
Weight: N/A (No Scale Today)
Well yesterday certainly was a whirlwind. It was so nice to hear from friends and family all over the world with messages of support for what I am trying to do. It is wind in my sails for sure and added motivation to stick to my goals and the process. There will be ups and down for sure. I know how busy we all are these days and to have so many people send thoughtful messages of hope and inspiration my way was well worth it. With that said, it wasn't long after I clicked "publish" on the site and then clicked the final button to send my FB post that I had the flood of second thoughts. What am I doing? Am I really this weak? Well, the cat's out of the bag now. Time to buck up and power on and through. To all the people who reached out to me and subscribed to the site I am touched and appreciate your support so much. It was so nice to see such friendly faces from the past.
Day 34 - August 27, 2023
Weight: N/A
I have been in this place before the last time I was carnivore at about 45 days. It's a good place. I can tell that my body is well adjusted to near zero carbs a day and it literally is like a magic button. I have barely been hungry at all this weekend even while we have been away with family and friends and there has been processed food everywhere. Food - I can literally take it or leave it. Absolute magic. We went out for breakfast yesterday and I had a big omelette, bacon, sausage, cheddar and I could have gone the rest of the day with nothing else, no problem. After living in a zone for, I don't know, the past 40 years or so of always being hungry, always craving something, it is such a unique feeling to feel - content with food. Blood sugar swings from processed foods can effect everyone differently but for many like me, they can be extreme. I hear so many success stories all the time in the carnivore community of people whose mental health improves drastically from this diet. People who have gone off anxiety meds & depression meds after some time. Are we surprised that after eating this lab created chemical food that we have these types of mental disorders? In my opinion they are the primary driver.
Day 35 - August 28, 2023
Weight: 240.8
How am I feeling? It is 4am and I am up and at em. I make fun of myself for going to bed early and have for years. Usually by 9pm we are hittin the sheets around here. Funny thing happens though once adjusted to a carnivore way of eating, you need less sleep. I woke at 3:30am, laid in bed for 25 minutes and then decided it was time to get moving. Too much energy. With that said, last night, after coming home after a long summer weekend, probably the last of the season, my urge was tremendous. Urge? The urge to check out, take the easy way out and get "entertained" by a giant pizza and then some sugar at the end of the night. It was an urge that I am on the lookout for these days; but then the one subsequent feeling that can send just about any food addicted person towards the cupboard - or the pizza delivery app: denial. Once I start to feel that I am "denying" myself something it can start a slippery slope and I have learned this about myself. I have to flip it. What am I denying myself by not eating pizza? Well, I am denying myself obesity, diabetes, a drastically higher increase in chances for Dementia, Alzheimer's, heart disease and about 100 other ailments. Boom. Denial? Not at all. Acceptance of the truth. I am nourishing by body now. Don't get me wrong. It was still hard. There can be a lingering sadness for that easy "hit".
Day 36 - August 29, 2023
Weight: 239.4
Only a few times in the past 5 years have I made it into the 230's. Both times within a few weeks it was a slingshot back to poor eating and weight gain, back to the 240's.... I'll get it together soon..... then the 250's.... Ok, now I have to get serious...260's +++++. F#$%* Guess it's time to start over.
The more Daily Meat journal entries I make the more I seem to be on the lookout for all of these patterns in my mind and in my life. It is a reason to be vigilant.
I have been having some thoughts and feelings the past few days of lack. My brain is lacking some dopamine for sure. I have not been eating any cheese and not drinking much. It is a subtle feeling but can lead to things. #mindhawk. Being mindful of these thoughts, feelings and patterns in a very subtle thing though. It can be tough if there is a lot going on - externally - kids, family, work, etc but otherwise, once I recognize them, I am leaning in to them the best I can - feeling them and then letting go. It isn't always perfect and it is a skill. Getting better though. Releasing the site has given me a new power though - the power of no way back. I can't turn back now. I already said I was doing all of this so I better stick it out!
Day 37 - August 30, 2023
Weight: 240.4
You couldn't just let me have two days in a row in the 230's could you? :)
Waking up today and just feeling that I am sleeping much harder the past week.Less tossing and turning and more conked out rem. It feels good. Starting to really see some carnivore benefits but also sensing my internal drive to lose weight fast..getting ahead of myself. I'm not in a race. In a way though I guess I am. I am on a race to lower all my risk factors for long term chronic illness and I know that carnivore eating is going to help me with this. It is important for me to to keep repeating this. I have long term goals but it is also one day at a time. Day 37, wow. that was fast. When I caved in to processed food the last time it was on day 60 so we are creeping up on that. 365. 365. 365. One day at a time.
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Day 38 - August 31, 2023
Weight: 240.2
I have heard that for every "don't"we bring into our lives we need to add a "do". Pretty wise whoever came up with that. Getting rid of processed carbs, and carbs in general is a pretty big adjustment both physically but especially mentally. I struggle mostly with the inability to numb out or saturate my dopamine receptors by downing a pound of processed flour. It is a drug for me. So, after taking it out of my life I think I need to start adding in some exercise. There are a few reasons for this. Once we give us the processed carbs, especially if they have been abused for decades, it takes a while for our brains to find a new balance with regards to dopamine. I'm not an expert on it by any means, but during this adjustment period there can be a lot of side effects like low mood, anxiety, even depression for some people. I experience it mostly as a feeling or sense of "lack". As if something is missing. Makes sense. There are a few ways to get dopamine back in balance one of which is just time - but one of the best ways is exercise, especially heart pumping exercise. For now, I am challenging myself to do one set of pushups to failure every day for September. I will log the results in the Daily Meat each day. I will also be doing some walking with some sprints mixed in. One thing about carnivore - you can build muscle fast. I am interested to see how many I can do buy the end of the month.
Push Ups - 15 today. Ok fine. I may be a little weak but I've been distracted.
Day 39 - September 1, 2023
Weight: 240.2
Pushup Set: 13
Dear T.K.,
Take a breath. I think you owe that to yourself. I hear you discussing in the background all of the things you can do better and all of the things that need to get done. You are so quick to dismiss any accomplishments in favor of hounding yourself. When you first realized that you would no longer blame yourself for pfa you made a clear decision - moving forward you would be your biggest supporter - your biggest cheerleader. So take a moment, reflect, and be proud of what you have done. 39 days carnivore - an entire website - a blog post that came straight from your heart and has already shown tremendous therapeutic benefits. Regardless of where anything goes from here... you are kicking ass now. Keep it up you old dog! You can never forget to celebrate victories especially ones like this. I am fairly certain that you have experienced the equivalent of a year's worth of one on one therapy in a month by putting this all together. Now, with that said. Let's go! So much more fun stuff to do! A plateau you say? F-that. Your body does not play by simplistic rules - it is a complicated machine and knows what it is doing. Be patient - stay the course - keep rockin.
Day 40 - September 2, 2023
Weight: 239.9
Pushup Set: 15
Touched by all of the warm wishes I have received since releasing the blog post. So many have reached out sharing their struggles as well and I guess this was part of the reason why I wanted to do this - for myself and for others who are going through this to feel less alone. I know I do already. Thank you to everyone who read the post and sent me a message. It really does mean a lot to me to hear from you. Let's stick together and we can beat this thing. Short post this morning as I am a little wiped after getting woken up first thing with a poop in the house from our aging pup. Poor thing. She's trying.
Side Note: I am making a change - it is stupid to the same strength exercise on a daily basis - pushups. My body needs a day off. But - I work best with having a task that needs to be performed daily. So, I am going to alternate one set of push ups to max and then body squats to max.
Day 41 - September 3, 2023
Weight: 238.5
Body Squats: TBD
Call the carnivore police! I am having lemon water today after 4 hours in the sun watching some great youth soccer. It is an awesome way to get a different taste on the palate and gives some good C and potassium which never hurts. It has such low sugar content that it does not trigger me an any way or get me craving sweets, etc. That's a win in my book.
Having some really good, high energy, back to back days right now. Yesterday I felt like I never wanted to go to bed, which for me is saying something. I did actually get a little cold passed on by my youngest but hoping that will pass quick. However, not too shabby on the scale this morning. While it can be tough to weigh everyday, and I understand those who do not do it, I like it for this journal. It is the running tally. So I will keep weighing for the year. I would like to free myself to its effects though, discipline my mind to not get too high or too low.
Day 42 - September 4, 2023
Weight: 242.1
Push Ups: TBD
Holy head cold. Not feeling too hot today. Last week was a pretty stressful week. I put a lot of time, effort and heart into the post and into the site in general and it may have beat me up a bit. Going to rest today a good amount. I was drinking so much water during the night that my weight went up but that is hopefully just a blip. No worries. Cutting this one short. But what does a carnivore do with a sore throat? Not sure. I haven't had one before. Hopefully this is a quick mover. Well, no sugar drops that is for sure. :)
Day 44 - September 6, 2023
Weight: 237.5
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Well...I guess it wasn't a cold. Turns out that with the rising covid numbers again this month, I am one of the statistics. I had one negative test the other day but then after my symptoms worsened I took another the next day and there you go: covid. The last two days have not been fun and especially last night I was pretty much out for the count but I feel the first semblance of a spark coming back to my body. Besides headache, body aches & a slight fever, this time around was highlighted by a massively clogged up head and just complete exhaustion. I was curious if my being carnivore would effect the duration and/or severity but that is tough to tell. The first time I had covid was about 16 months ago and it was 3 days of bad symptoms. Today marks my 3rd day of that timeline and so far I feel better. So maybe a little bit better. But, I also know, by late afternoon it could rear it's ugly head again. Oh well. Props to my wife for taking care of the kids this whole time while I am locked up in the bedroom.
When I first started the Daily Meat journal I kind of made a "soft" promise that I would make an entry every day. For a change, I am going to offer myself a little grace. Between the way I was feeling yesterday and that I had limited access to an actual computer, I took the day off - guilt free. I am proud to be back on the journal and also down to 237.5. Turns out covid likes not eating as I only had one meal yesterday.
Day 45 - September 7, 2023
Weight: 238.1
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Coming out of the cloud. The past few days have been...strange. Yes, I was sick but it just felt like my head was covered in pillows, like the whole world was just in the background as my body fought off the virus. I feel that cloud lifting this morning a bit and I am able to think a bit more clearly. It has not been easy to be relegated to the bedroom and only coming out for blips here or there but trying to keep the rest of the family healthy. I also miss being at the office. Lots to do after labor day as it seems like there are projects a plenty going on. Feeling optimistic and discouraged about my weight all at the same time. Since April I am down about 30 pounds so that is something to be proud of but since I started this carnivore round it's only about 17 pounds. "Only" I say. It is good to catch these statements as they come out of my deranged mind. 17 pounds is awesome and my head, my heart, my joints, & my body all thank me for it. Received some nice notes yesterday from friends and also new people who have read the 1st blog post. It especially moves me when it is from someone who has had the same struggles. Hopefully we can all get there together.
Day 46 - September 8, 2023
Weight: 237
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Struggling a bit today. Did not sleep well last night and I find that being tired can be one of the easiest ways to get cravings and even more so to feel deprived and slightly triggered to eat bad food. I came out this morning from my covid isolation chamber (last day) and my kryptonite is positioned nicely on the kitchen island politely calling to me and my heart sank a bit. Something about bagels that has always had such a grip on me. It wasn't always that way but after 40 years of eating processed, heavily refined wheat it literally goes straight to my brain. Within moments of a bite I have a palpable, relaxing opiate response. That is a strong pull. It is easy to start thinking about "never again" with regards to this diet and what I am doing but today is a day to just take it one day at a time and one moment at a time.
Day 47 - September 9, 2023
Weight: 236.6
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Creeping up on day 50! Looking forward to doing a little video update that day and taking some progress pics for sure. Almost at 20 pounds down now, plus the other 20 pounds for the last round so that's about 40 since the winter. Feeling lighter...a bit.
I am very thankful it is Saturday. I needed to take a step back after being locked up all week and trying to work some behind the scenes. I think I overdid it yesterday and felt bad last night. Not to much to write today - just happy to be feeling better finally. Hopefully this wave of the big C is small and less potent. Happy football. :)
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Day 48 - September 10, 2023
Weight: 234.8
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Man - do I miss beer! Warning: This is going to be a whiny post. Today is the first Sunday of football season. It brings back memories of college buddies, bars, chicken wings and lots of beer. Such good times and I wouldn't trade them for anything. But, I really need to not only "understand" that committing to a goal like I have takes sacrifice but I need to internalize it..and most of all accept it. The more I resist it, the more it will rear its ugly head in the form of "missing out" and feeling deprived. I am 50. I have goals. Sure having a beer would be great, but I want to get healthy, lose weight, so I can be a better person and be a better father. When you think of it, it is pretty sad to think beer has such a hold on guys like me. Advertising for sure but so many memories tied into it. It's one year. I can do it. But why no beer? To me it is the grains. 1. They are just not good for me feel like crap. 2. I am also pretty concerned that ingesting those grains, carbs, etc will send me to a darker place of wanting to hijack the entire Planet Pizza driver's car and eating every last bite. Sorry dude. I would hate to do that to you. BTW - did you see my weight? Damn, under 235. Pretty damn cool. Onward my friends, Onward!
Day 49 - September 11, 2023
Weight: 235.5
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September 11th. Always a day for reflection and remembrance for us Americans. It's tough to even think that it has been this long. It seems like yesterday I was working as an assistant phys ed teacher for special needs kids when the attacks happened. I was was at school early that day to work on some music and all of a sudden I started writing a new song, "I believe". I got about half way through the song that day when I heard about the attacks. It wasn't until I heard of the loss of some good friends that I finished it the next day. The song is all about that day 9/11 - the ones we lost and the hope that as a world we can change and be a better species. Getting more cynical in my older years but I still hope for this. Remembering this day sure make feel so much gratitude for all of the gifts we have now, especially family. It was so tragic to see so many lives lost and families ripped apart so needlessly. It makes something like a weight loss journey seem so trivial in comparison.
Day 50 - September 12, 2023
Weight: 234.9
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Mourning. It is a strange word to use but that is how I am feeling today. Grieving perhaps works as well. I am grieving the loss of processed foods these days. I wish I could be like anyone else - just have a fun night and then go back to eating healthy as I know it to be. But for some reason that just does not work for me. It seems like pizza is everywhere right now...including our fridge. It is one of my top temptations for sure but I know, if I even have one slice that it will be weeks down the road and I will look back at a litany of bad decisions. Once I fall - it is so hard to climb out of the hole. I do not want to crawl out of any more holes.
Day 51 - September 13, 2023
Weight: 235.2
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50 days in the books. I am catching myself looking ahead - focused on what I "can't eat" instead of patting myself on the back. Since the winter I am down nearly 40 pounds. 40lbs! That's awesome. Consistency with carnivore really is the biggest key of all too. If you stray, it can be nearly impossible to get back on the horse so that's why I am duct taping my self to the horse with every possible idea I can think of. I am going to be doing a 50 update this week as a video - a little change of pace for tomorrow or this weekend. Getting over covid has honestly sucked. My energy for the past week has been all over the place and I am not yet feeling totally back to normal. One day at a time though. We will get there. If you are reading this, you might just have a lot of time on your hands... or you just want to see what it is like to be inside a perennially overweight person's head. Either way - welcome! Realistically I don't know if anyone would want to read through all of these entries, but in reality they are really for me. Just a place to get some thoughts out of my head and into the world regardless of how pertinent they are that day. 50. Yes!
Day 52 - September 14, 2023
Weight: 234.8
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Finally starting to feel normal again. That was a good 10 days of feeling sub par with covid. Energy is back and just overall feeling so much more positive. Not too much to talk about today except that I am just happy to still be doing this. I am creeping up on day 60 which was the last time I strayed off plan and then went on a 2 or 3 week processed food bender. God I so don't want that happening again! I feel as though I have some resolve because of all the people who are aware of what I am doing - when I have a cheating thought it is almost immediately squashed by thoughts of massive, humiliated failure. Win! I guess? Who knows if it will always be like this but for now it is working. Now - on to 100!
Day 53 - September 15, 2023
Weight: 236
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It is 10pm and I am usually fast asleep by now, But I posted my first video this afternoon and it has been heart warning to hear from so many people that I forgot about the Daily Meat entry until now! I actually gained a pound and a half last night, mostly because I ate dinner so late. No worries. The thought that I could be in the 220's within a few weeks is a little crazy. It is so amazing to be trying to lose weight and telling everyone I know about it. It is freeing. I am not wrestling as much with my mind. I have set a goal and I mean to stick to it. When I doubt...I think of the people I have told. Now - time for some steak! :)
Day 54 - September 16, 2023
Weight: 234.5
Well It looks like I took this day off! So let's just have a puppy picture! Back at it tomorrow!
Day 55 - September 17, 2023
Weight: N/A
I forgot to weigh myself this morning before having coffee and water so will wait until tomorrow. Yesterday was an interesting one. We were at a wedding and as many people know, weddings can be tough for anyone on a diet or sticking to a specific way of eating. We were running behind all day and while I did get some good food in, it was not enough. For these types of events I have found that eating a big meal just before we go is the best bet. We were rushing so much I was only able to gobble down a half of a strip steak and it wasn't nearly enough. By the time we got to the reception it was slim carnivore pickins during the cocktail hour. Bread, bread and more bread. There was some cheese but I was starving. And then, I had a moment... on the dance floor of all places. We were still waiting for the main meal so we were dancing and I was way over hungry but all of a sudden I was overwhelmed with feelings of missing out and the sadness of not being able to simply eat whatever I wanted for a special occasion...less about wanting to taste the food but it was more ... the desire to make life easier: convenience. So, it can be damn inconvenient sometimes to be on a specific eating plan and that feeling of not being able to just "let go" haunted me in that moment. I just want to be "normal" for a few minutes and eat whatever I want. It's so much easier. But today, now, writing this I am so happy to have not eaten any of that garbage because I know I am pretty much the same weight I was yesterday and am not going to be battling cravings all day. Anyway, it was an interesting feeling to have and recognize. I am glad to be able to come here and write about it. Onward!
Day 56 - September 18, 2023
Weight: 234.1
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Dreams. So, it took 55 days. I had my first food dream and I was getting ready to cheat! It was short and I was offered some ice cream. I remember feeling the cognitive dissonance even in my dream over the choice! It was very strange. "Just one scoop" I said. "Why not?". Why not!!!!! I could hear the best parts of me screaming out ... don't do it! You fool! You know know where this will lead! It is amazing how detailed a dream can be and how reflective of daily thought patters it can also be. I could feel the struggle and hear the words floating through my brain but I grabbed the plate and took the ice cream over to my seat. The dream ended there. I know. A total cliffhanger. But it my dream it was a foregone conclusion. I was going to eat that ice cream I think. Yikes! A warning perhaps.
I have received a lot of comments and messages about "moderating" mostly from people who understand what myself and many people like me are up against. To me, this is about time. It does not happen overnight. This is years of a dopamine awards system being activated regularly until it becomes an addiction. Once those pathways are dug they are there forever it seems. Rarely do people become alcoholics at the first drink. Although, who really knows, these foods nowadays are created to light up the pleasure centers of the brains and you can see it in kids when they eat it. It's sad. Sorry, no ice cream for me. I am looking long term. Let's do this.
Day 57 - September 19, 2023
Weight: 236.4
Push Ups: 13 (so weak lol)
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Last night was the hardest night I have had since I started. I felt deflated from cravings for "normal" food. I was so tired still from the Saturday wedding and I have been battling a lingering couch from the big C two weeks ago. What to do with a cough on covid? It is a tough spot. Cough drops are basically sugars and chemicals. I opted for a sugar free drop since it is only temporary, and while they do help stave off the cough when I need it to - ie: sleep, work, etc. they have a nasty side effect. After a few days I have noticed that I have been craving comfort foods from my old days - the foods that help to sedate me to the rest of the world from time to time. The more intense the cravings are it creates a cycle - intense craving -> longing for normalcy -> feeling deprivation -> sadness. The sadness comes in after recognizing the craving and going through the cycle. it's like home base. It sucks. Sad to give up foods that are the root of nearly every chronic disease in America? Crazy how our minds work. Also crazy that the cough drops are really a main factor here. They are more devious because while it is happening it is very difficult to recognize that the fake sugars in them can be a trigger. It is so subtle. You have a few during the day and the help with the cough but then find these lingering thoughts of comfort foods and as they continue, they escalate and seemed detached from the action of eating the drops and yet they are not. Devious.
Day 58 - September 20, 2023
Weight: 236
Exercise: Walked 2.2 miles - 1 sprint
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I have eaten dinner very late the last two nights and it has resulted in heavier weigh ins in the morning. I usually try to be done eating by 6 at the latest but life can sometimes get in the way. Carnivore can be difficult sometimes because it is not super easy to get food on the go. I am not always perfect as I will have high end deli meat, even bologna from time to time to mix things up but it is very rare. It does not seem to have any negative effects on me though so I figure once in a while is not too bad. I stick to the ones with no sugar obviously and make sure there are no grain fillers, etc. as those can be prevalent in lower quality brands. Weight wise, I have been hovering around 235 for a couple weeks now, but honestly, it is not really phasing me at this point, Being under 240 for this long is somewhat of a miracle since every other time I have done that I usually spring board up to 250 within a few weeks. On a positive note - I made it through the entire day with only one cough drop yesterday but it took will. This lingering covid cough sucks and it takes some wind out of my sails for sure. Just don't want it turning into some bronchitis or anything and it feels like it is teetering.
Day 59 - September 21, 2023
Weight: 235.9
Exercise: None
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This was a bad move by me. Of all the days I needed to put an entry into the daily meat it was this day and I completely forgot to. This has been a tough week all together and part of it was just not getting that off my chest. I am weaning myself off oxbile and lipase and on top of that I have was just blindsided but the constant cravings for three or four days stemming from the fake sugars in the cough drops was insane. I have learned a valuable lesson for sure. I am not doing that again. It is time now, almost two months to get off the oxbile and lipase. It is great for the transition but I have to get my gall bladder up to speed now. It causes a bit of nausea and meat aversion but I have danced around it a little bit. Can't believe I am on day 60 already. Where did that time go?
Day 60 - September 22, 2023
Weight: 236
Exercise: Walked 2.2 Miles (2 sprints)
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This sums it up for the week from the fatdrunkandtucker facebook page:
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Good morning my fellow processed food demonizing, real food eatin, carnivore warriors! I will be upfront with you, this week has been hard for me. I have been struggling with intense cravings and feeling deprived all week. Once it spirals out of control it can be overwhelming. But the great news? I am out the other side, stronger for it, and I want to express my true appreciation for everyone who is encouraging me and following the journey! Thank you for being the wind at my back! 1 day closer to my carnivore 365 goal. Onward!
Day 61 - September 23, 2023
Weight: 235.1
Exercise: Nope
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Day 61 - Uncharted Territory. This officially marks day 61 and is uncharted territory for me. The last time I adopted the carnivore diet I failed after 60 days. I succumb to a craving at dinner and ate a small bite of ice cream which quickly became more ice cream, then potatoes and then a binge at home. I sure do not want that anymore. I remember trying to "turn off the spigot" for weeks but I just couldn't. My brain was lost and I was craving anything and everything. At age 50, the pathways in my brain are dug in pretty deep. One attempt at moderation is not that. It is giving in to the inevitable - a weeks long binge of ultra processed food. In some ways I feel more prepared than last time. I feel more knowledgeable but nevertheless I am still scared of the possibility of failure.
Right now I am a bit stuck... stuck at 235 and it has been for about 10 days. I feel a whoosh coming on soon as I have been exercising and doing some body weight exercises again. Patience is key but I also need to allow my body to figure some things out on its own. The weight will come off. Deep breath. Day 62 here we come. :)
Day 62 - September 24, 2023
Weight: 233.4
Exercise: 2.2 mile walk
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Hey we had a bit of a whoosh this morning. I feel good about that. I had been stuck around 235 for a week or so and that gets boring when our goal is well under 200 lbs. But hey, we are in this for the long run. I published the Freddy Krueger post yesterday and I am glad I did as my addictive voice was in overcharge all day long saying all sorts of defeating thoughts. I need to be more aware of his voice. I have even forgotten to use that technique so many times in the past. It seems to work as part of the three principles as well which seem to be in my thoughts a lot recently. I would like to add some more of that in to my daily routine. In fact, I am going to ponder on that now for a moment.
Day 63 - September 25, 2023
Weight: 234
Exercise: N/A
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​In mourning...again. I am going through a tough stretch but I am resilient and it is ok. I remember the same feeling when I gave up all alcohol last year for almost 7 months. Half way through there is a feeling of remorse, and mourning is the only way to describe it. I am listening to it as if it is my addictive voice, Freddy, but it is also a real feeling I think I need to recognize and not dismiss. I used to love to be able to relax with massive amounts of processed foods and completely "check out". I do not have that same option now...or call it a luxury. Processed carbs light up my brain and I get flooded with dopamine. It's a wonderful, warm feeling. I would not deny that. I miss that feeling. Much like wine. When I start to think about "1 year" it can get dark - sad - and it is not severe, it is subtle sadness and mourning for an old friend. I know these foods are the root of nearly all chronic illnesses but they still taste great and it is a form of denial. I am trying to grow up and part of that is understanding that this is supposed to be hard, no one said it was going to be easy, and even if it doesn't feel good...it is a form of suffering...that is ok. Life can be suffering. At these moments the mantra "one day at a time" makes a big difference for me. One. Day. At. A. Time. It will get better. I have heard from other carnivores that there is light at the end of the tunnel and that it does get better. There is hope! Onward.
Day 64 - September 26, 2023
Weight: 234
Exercise: 2.2 mile walk + 2 HIIT sprints
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Good morning! Feeling great today - waking up with some good energy. It was really nice to hear from multiple people today with support for what I am doing, some great questions and even some concern that I might be in a tough spot and that carnivore is just a bit too restrictive. It definitely got me thinking about some of the other questions and concerns I've gotten over the past two months so I thought it might be fun to do a video update and answer some of those questions that way. We'll see. I am thinking for Friday. The last two week shave been a struggle but that has gotten better each day that I have gone since having any of those stupid cough drops. Feeling almost back to normal today, Goes to show you what weird foods can do to the body. Call the carnivore police - I had some sauteed onion on Monday as a garnish for my monstrous t bone steak and some squeezed lemon in seltzer yesterday. It's all good. Day 100 is right around the corner!
Day 65 - September 27, 2023
Weight: 233.9
Exercise: None
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2nd straight day with intense surge of energy. What a great feeling. Playing lots of soccer with the kids and feeling the best I have in the 2+ months. Look out people! It makes it worth it, the past two weeks. I knew I would come out on the other side and now I feel awesome and ready to keep going. So much going on this week but feeling fairly invincible. Getting rid of all processed carbs in and of itself will make anyone feel better after some time, but getting rid of all potential harmful foods and eating carnivore is literally as close to a panacea that I can imagine. Yes, I am feeling that good today. :)
Day 66 - September 28, 2023
Weight: 235.9
Exercise: None
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I love walking outside as my primary exercise but man it has been raining forever here in the north east. This has been one of the rainiest Septembers in recent history. What a drag. Lol. It's a first world problem for sure but I was starting to gain some great momentum with getting outside on thse walks and burning off some of this newfound energy. I feel like my brain has stabled out since my up and down weeks prior. Much calmer now. Oh I know, I could exercise indoors right? Yes pushups, squats, well heck I even have an old treadmill in the basement. I used to work in a gym for God's sake...I should be working out. Time is a struggle of course. What a whining unpowerful post this is. Lol. Sometimes it is just nice to get those feelings out here in the daily meat so I don't carry them around all day and bother people with my gripes. Now that's powerful.
Day 67 - September 29, 2023
Weight: 234.9
Exercise: Pushups, squats, planks.
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The scale. Damn the scale. I am sure some very nice people will tell me to ditch the scale and stop weighing everyday and that it is not indicative of overall health, it can be misleading because of muscle growth, etc, yadda yadda and usually I agree with that. But I really like it as part of the Daily Meat section. I like recording it everyday with my journal entry. As I look back at these entries one day it will give me some more context on where I was, what I may be struggling with etc.
So I have been doing a lot of re-framing lately. Am I stuck at 235lbs for two weeks? Or I am down 60 pounds from my all time high? Am I down 40lbs since last winter? Am I currently at my lowest weight in nearly 12 years? These are the things to focus on. Build muscle and the fat will melt away too. Strength. More strength. That is the next path I am walking down as part of this journey. Everyone hates that word... but it fits. That's what this is.
Day 68 - September 30, 2023
Weight: 235
Exercise: Bowling. Does that count?
Day 69 - October 1, 2023
Weight: 231.5
Exercise: 2.2 mile walk
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Starting October off on a good step! My lowest weight in the last 12 years. To think I am only a couple of pounds from the 220's is actually starting to sink in. HUGE! I am fired up and feeling the carnivore energy flowing through me this morning. This way of eating is an absolute godsend. We have spent the last 100 years overthinking what foods to eat... and listening to the wring people! Meat, Eggs, Full Fat Dairy. Done. All right. Going for a walk. Happy Sunday!
Day 70 - October 2, 2023
Weight: Didn't weigh
Exercise: N/A
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Wow, 70 days. Now that is an accomplishment. After basking in the glow of my weigh in yesterday I forgot to weigh in this morning before having water and coffee. A number on the scale - it should not mean this much but I can't help it. The though of being in the 220's is almost beyond my comprehension at this point. It has been such a long time. 100 Days is only 30 days away. I might have to have a little party for that, a meat fest if you will with steaks, burgers, ribs, oh and bacon f course. I have not had bacon in like 2 weeks. I may have to remedy that today.
Day 71 - October 3, 2023
Weight: 231.5
Exercise: 2.2 Mile Walk
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How am I feeling today? This is sometimes a great primer for my journal entry. I am feeling... confident. Many people on a carnivore diet express the benefit of being emotionally stronger., stable, positive, & confident. Well, after a good nights sleep and 70 days of eating meat, eggs and full fat dairy I am feeling confident that I can achieve my goal of 1 year. Now, while I say this, there was a moment yesterday in the kitchen, when looking at processed foods my family eats laid out on the counter where I had am immediate desire to pick up one, place it in my mouth and be done with all of this nonsense. Normal life. Fatness. Sickness. No energy....No thanks! Moving on. I will choose confidence, health, wellness, strength, fortitude and happiness thank you very much.
Day 72 - October 4, 2023
Weight: 233
Exercise: N/A
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Support - Wow, have I really been feeling the support these days. So much so that I forgot to publish this Daily Meat today! That's ok. I will give myself some grace. I have been doing a lot these past few months and while losing weight can be hard - mentally challenging...I have found out that is can also be fun! I have met so many amazing people through the Facebook page already it has been quite inspiring. People who share the same struggles that I have shared, and are working to overcome their addictions or food problems. One of the main tenants of my weight loss program this year was to be focused on community and I am a part of so many but this is the first one that is part of what I am doing and I just love hearing from everyone. I almost feel like I may be able to actually do this! Lol. Onward!
Day 73 - October 5, 2023
Weight: 232
Exercise: N/A
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Ok. It is time to get serious. It is time to lose weight like a madman! It is time to reign in everything so I can lose another 15 pounds in the next two weeks and be able to look myself in the mirror with pride! ----- That is the old me. The impatient me. This is me, now. I am going to be smart. I am going to be patient. I am going to intentionally lose weight more slowly so my brain does not kick into emergency mode and start craving all sorts of food. Yes, I will do some fasting but only some. Yes, I will eat basically zero carbs but I will not restrict calories. This is a marathon and my body needs nutrients to heal from the previous 50 years of eating processed crap. Being able to eat until full is magical. It is the TRUTH and is just another reason why carnivore is so damn awesome. I love being FULL. I hate dieting and always being obsessed with food. I barely think about food these days.
Day 74 - October 6, 2023
Weight: 233
Exercise: N/A
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Up all night! Lol. Horrible nights sleep. Ugh. It will be a bear today but at least it is a Friday of a long weekend. Should be a fun one. So let's be positive. Great News: My cravings are virtually non existent the past few days and it almost feels like a super power. After struggling with processed food cravings forever I almost don't recognize the person I am now. Is there anything worse than eating the last bite of a meal, probably a bunch of processed food, and then immediately thinking... huh I wonder what we will have for dinner? Crazy. These foods literally hijack our brains. And the more we eat them, over more and more time it makes it harder and harder to get off them and the more damage they do. Bonus points if you know who this is a picture of. :)
Day 75 - October 7, 2023
Weight: 233
Exercise: N/A
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I was working on this piece all week so I thought I would take the day off from a daily meat post since I am all written out! Great day today though. Got so much stuff done. Happy Saturday. If you have not yet, please check out the latest blog I released today. Best, T. Kyle
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Day 76 - October 8, 2023
Weight: 231.3
Exercise: 2.2 mile walk
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My lowest weight to date and I am only a pound and change from being in the 220's. I know I am not losing weight fast at this point, and I wish I was, but at the same time I think it is also important to me to realize that if I push too hard to lose fast it could backfire and put me in a tough spot. I have had a wonderful week of freedom from cravings from shit food. It really feels like a corner has been turned, but I also know how quickly that can turn back if I let down my guard or do anything that puts my mind and body into a starvation mode. The best thing I can do is keep exercising, keep eating real and letting my body run the show. Onward!
Day 77 - October 9, 2023
Weight: 231.5
Exercise: 1.5 mile walk
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Today was a family day. My kids were off school and we had a wonderful time. I have some days now since I started carnivore where I feel so much more resilient, so much more energy, so much more positive. After a wonderful family breakfast in town we walked together up and down main street and then headed to the park. My kids and I played in the playground there and enjoyed the cool fall weather mixed with the warm sunshine. The leaves are falling and that light smell of autumn is in the air. After a brief break me and my youngest went ice skating for the first time this season and she picked right up where she left off last year, flying around the rink! On the food side of things I actually ate three meals today which has been rare but my body seemed to be asking for it. It is such a pleasure to not obsess so much about food. It is new for me and I like it.
Day 78 - October 10, 2023
Weight: 230.4
Exercise: N/A
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Isn't it funny, yesterday I ate three meals and conventional wisdom would think I may gain weight but nope, I listened to my body and there you have it, down a bit more today and now only .04 pounds away from the 220's. My patience has been tested these past few weeks in wanting to lose all the weight right now but I am trying as hard as I can to stay in this moment and not force things. Be sure that when I officially and i the 220's I will have a mini celebration and shout it from the rooftops. But this celebration won't include cakes, cookies and crap but will include a juicy ribeye, something I have not actually had in a while. I have been going mostly with strip steaks and T bones as they are on sale a lot. Looking forward tonight to reconnecting with an old friend over dinner. With my increased energy and positivity I have been seemingly more open to doing more things and seeing people. Usually during the week I never go out so it is a bit of a change of pace. Going to a steak house. Yum.
Day 79 - October 11, 2023
Weight: N/A
Exercise: 30 minutes at gym. Walking with 3 HIIT's
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Day 79 - 100 days hangs on the horizon. I don't believe I have ever made it this far or long on a diet before. Maybe I have when I was younger but not any time in recent history. So many times I would do great for a month or two but then one moment of weakness would lead to binge eating and usually weeks of uncontrolled eating of anything and everything. I can't say that it is in the rear view mirror because that would be foolish since one lapse could send me right back there. But it just feels like now, after all I have done over the past 79 days, all the people that I have met and become friends with who share in this journey with me, that I have a stronger foundation than ever before. I am being propped up on a daily basis. Play it forward is a popular term used in addiction circles and I am working on doing that as much as possible. The more we connect the dots the stronger our resolve to not "use". And yes, processed foods is "using". They are drugs plain and simple. For example: Connect the dots: that bite of bagel = daily food craving torture again. I DO NOT WANT THAT ANYMORE. There are a thousand of those dots that can be connected and I am going to start making a bog list.
Day 80 - October 12, 2023
Weight: 232
Exercise: N/A
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So much going on at work these days and then shuttling kids around to sports, parties, back to sports, play dates, sleepovers, back to school nights, meetings. This time of year can really be absorbing and it is tough to just slow down sometimes. Take a breath. Remember we are not the constant thoughts that go through our minds but yet we are the stillness behind those thoughts. We are the the never ending well of positivity, love and calmness. My thoughts have be whirling today and when I identify with them it slows me down... it bogs me down to the point of collapse at the end of the day. It is so important for me to take time to disassociate from those thoughts, just be, and to lie in the moment and acknowledge and allow the eternal life-force that is within all things.
Day 81 - October 13, 2023
Weight: 233
Exercise: 2.2 mile walk
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Day 81. Not even sure how we got here? I am feeling such mixed emotions though. I'm so happy to have committed to the carnivore diet, to have lost weight, and to have heard from so many amazing people all over the world rooting me on. Yet here I am, longing for something else...something more. I am constantly wanting more...of something. More money, more weight loss, more stuff... More anything. God, can I just stop for a second and be grateful for what I have? It makes me sick sometimes to think of how much I do have and yet here I am constantly being unhappy with what I have and wanting more. To live in this state is a form of suffering I would think. If we constantly want, then we are never satisfied, and never truly happy. What am I wanting? Many things, and this is going to sound trivial at best, but I am also wanting health and wellness and I am tortured by the fact that the scale refuses to go below 230 and has for quite some time. Weight loss came so fast before but now it comes in short bursts. There are some reasons for this I know - but some are my responsibility. The thing about taking on a challenge like this is that eventually...wherever there are cracks...they will eventually be exposed. I feel like my cracks are beginning to present themselves and I will need to choose to stare at them directly and choose to work on them if I am to be truly successful and truly change. More secrets. More darkness. Darkness is only transformed with light.
Day 82 - October 14, 2023
Weight: No more daily weigh ins
Exercise: Day Off
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Day 82. This is a huge change! So I posted on the fb page my frustrations with the scale and the slow rate of weight loss right now and asking input from people. I heard from so many awesome friends will ideas and tips but mostly it was a resounding "DO NOT WEIGH YOURSELF EVERYDAY!" Duh, I should have stopped that weeks ago when I started to get frustrated but I have always loved being able to log it here in the daily meat section. Yesterday was a struggle to get over the normal urge to weigh myself first thing in the morning after waking up but I persevered. I vow to not weigh myself until Friday, October 27th. That is so far from now but I already can feel the positive change in my mental state and well being. It took a while for it to become a problem but once it did have its claws in me that's where that self doubt can creep in. No more you nasty scale! This is about a long term solution and you my friend only tell the story of one moment in time. Onward to ONEDERLAND!
Day 83 - October 15, 2023
Weight: No more daily weigh ins
Exercise: Day Off
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Wow so much going on with the launch of The Carnivore Warriors Support Community on FB. I have already met some amazing people through this journey and I feel like everyday I meet a new, inspirational person who is either starting out or continuing along in carnivore. Awesome stuff. Pretty wiped from computer stuff today so I am calling it an early meat! Lol.
Day 84 - October 16, 2023
Weight: No more daily weigh ins
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It's a Monday and while I had a great carnivore weekend I definitely overdid it with the wine and staying up too late. I don't work well on less sleep especially inebriated sleep. Feeling sluggish this morning and seriously starting to consider taking a longer break from alcohol. Most carnivores do since they seem to feel so much better without it. It feels like a crutch for me at the moment though. Let's see how I feel this week after taking some time off. Happy to not be weighing in but also it is driving me a little crazy so far! It was such a habit and now I just have to wait, wait, wait.
Day 85 - October 17, 2023
Weight: Not weighing myself is actually taking effort!
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I have a theory when it comes to daily weigh ins - after a while they create a stress response when you do not lose weight daily. You wake up, weigh in, maybe gain a half a pound and then for the next two hours or maybe 2 days ruminate about how you are being so good, eating all the right stuff, exercising but the scale doesn't budge. This stress is going to raise cortisol, the stress hormone, which also has been shown to hinder weight loss. ie: The more stressed you are the less weight you lose. Interesting. I already feel a bit more free mentally in a couple of days - yes the weigh in is on the horizon in ten days and it will be very interesting to see the result but I have a feeling that I am going to bust through my 230 barrier in to the 220's for good. I hope you are all having a great morning. Let's keep it up carnivore warriors!
Day 86 - October 18, 2023
Weight: Coming October 27th at 6am
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How am I feeling today? It's 4:58 am and I am waking up and getting ready to head to the gym. I have decided within the past few days to begin to cut back more substantially on alcohol. It is a sensitive topic as I have loved drinking since I was in high school and that was oh, let's say, just about, 35 years ago! Wow, that is a lot of time. I am not the guy who drinks to excess usually, sure sometimes especially back in the college and band days, but somewhere in the past 10 years I became a daily wine drinker. I just love red wine at the end of a day. And while I do not drink enough each night to get drunk I clearly have enough to feel good and then not feel as good the next morning. I actually quit for 7 months not that long ago. I said when I started carnivore that I was not going to force myself to make a massive dietary change, announce it to the world, on top of quitting drinking because I felt that after 35 years of both that would be a recipe for disaster. Like most carnivores though my drinking has decreased on a daily basis since my body became fat adapted - you just don't "want" or "need" as much. I am not drawing any lines in the sand at this point, not making any deals with myself like "no wine during the week but the weekend is ok" or "only on special occasions" - nothing like that. I've been around enough to know once you start doing that, (making drinking rules), you are bound to break them and it just sets up the scenario where you are fighting against something. Actually I am going about it in the most nonchalant way I can. I have found through the years when I make a firm stand to "quit" something, anything, then the pressure increases. As in, "whatever you resist persists". Instead I am using this as a time to gravitate more to the stillness that lies within all of us...the peace that resides below the surface of our thoughts. Some call it the divine mind - some call it the eternal energy force. I am putting my trust in it, in me, in us. I am going to focus on that. I am in this whole thing to get healthy and this is a part of that puzzle. One cannot drink wine every night and be healthy... which is my goal. Right now, two nights no wine. A small victory, but a victory nonetheless. Am I going to quit alcohol eventually? I do not know. What I do know is that I am so much healthier at this point, Day 86 and I am going to continue to put one foot in front of the other one day at a time. The carnivore diet has already worked wonders for me and it continues to do so. Onward!
Day 87 - October 19, 2023
Weight: Not weighing myself is actually taking effort!
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Well, last night was close. I almost blew it. I have discovered perhaps my biggest trigger to binge eat. Good news? Maybe, but it was scary how my mind reacted. My daughter's apple watch has not been working right and it is paired to my phone. Lucky me. After about 90 minutes of tech support hell I could feel my body and mind getting progressively more intense, frustrated, boiling over, and then all out tantrum anger. I was literally a toddler. They could not fix the watch problem, said they would call back but never did. I was fuming. Technology is supposed to make things easier right? Not torture us when we get home from a long day of work! Yes, I know I am obviously a baby. I had some wine but could not calm down. I was filled with the urge to just say "F-it!". It literally washed over me like a tidal wave. My body & mind were screaming! Screaming for relief and ultra processed foods were the only thing that could rescue it...Pizza. I probably should have come right to this group to share it and get it off my chest but I just sat in the anger and frustration for 3 hours until I fell asleep. The images of food that went through my mind to sooth my inner beast were all absorbing. Then the thoughts of binge eating. It was quite a lesson. I am not actually sure how I got through it but I was literally just holding on by a thread. So deep frustration and anger are major triggers for me to want to throw away everything I have worked so hard for. Not sure what it is about tech like apple watches that gets to me so much but when they don't work and cost a fortune I boil over! Man - it was a close one. Deep exhale. If anyone has any advice on how to handle that intense feeling when you know a trigger is hitting you I would love to hear it. I think the biggest would be opening up about it right away. Maybe I should have gone FB live or something! lol. I finally feel better now just sharing this. Thx everyone.
Day 88 - October 20, 2023
Weight: Next weigh in is Friday, Oct 27th
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I got so caught up that I forgot to post in the daily meat, so yesterday is now today, or today is now yesterday. The long ans short of it is, I am doing pretty well right now. Not weighing myself has given my brain quite a nice little vacation. No more second guessing, micromanaging, what have you. So busy though and so happy to see suck wonderful support in the Carnivore Warriors Support Community. So many nice people from all over the world, some new, some seasoned carnivore vets. It's been awesome. We ordered in dinner last night from a local burger joint. I got the double burger no bun and it was pretty darn good. Just nice not to cook for a night. Looking forward to some good exercise today!
Day 89 - October 21, 2023
Weight: Next weigh in is Friday, Oct 27th
Exercise: 2.2 Mile walk with 3 hill sprints
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Another rainy day yesterday! I am not sure what is going on in the northeast these days but it has rained every Saturday for 8 weeks now I think. My poor little one who is 7 plays soccer and their games keep getting cancelled. We did make it out for a nice walk together when there was a break and that was I nice. I actually posted about it on the FDT facebook page. That page has been so much fun by the way. So many amazing people who are cheering me on to finally make lasting chnage. They probabaly don;t belive it, but I would have caved I think without them backing me up. Just knowing that all of these amazing people are there, pulling for me, is a great feeling. If you are one of those people reading this, thank you. :)
Day 90 - October 22, 2023
Weight: Next weigh in is Friday, Oct 27th
Exercise: 4 hours garage cleaning & 1 hour leaf blowing.
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Day 90 - Wow! I cannot believe I am only 10 days away from 100. I consider that to be somewhat mind blowing. I set my goal for 1 year and as of today I am 25% of the way there. Awesome! The past few days have been a flurry with so much family stuff going on and meeting so many wonderful people as part of the carnivore warriors support cmmunity. There are so many things we shjare: goals, challenges, love of meat. Lol. It has been great getting to know everyone. Keepin this one short. Onward!
Day 95 - October 27, 2023
Weight: 228.9
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Let's not beat around the bush here...weigh in this morning went well and I am so happy to be under 230 for the first time in what seems like 10 years..oh that's because it is! I have been a total Daily Meat slacker though! My journal entries have gotten difficult as I am spending so much more time with my fellow carnivores chatting, strategizing, and just getting healthy! Ok. So here is the weigh in video. Back to the Meat tomorrow!
Day 114 - November 15, 2023
Weight: 226
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Day 114 Carnivore - "Stress" - The past few weeks have been a bit stressful and I have barely been on social media. Mom was in the hospital, my wife was sick and it seemed like the kids' schedules were just non-stop...Throw work on top of that and it got dicey! I won't lie, I was stressed and my brain was searching for calmness. On Sunday night I broke down a bit by myself. Ok fine, I just lost it. There are just so many questions about my mother's future because of her challenges stemming from her traumatic brain injury over 15 years ago that it can get overwhelming to even think about. Not sure there are any good options. I had so many good talks with my mom back in the day. We loved to yap with each other. Unfortunately, since she can barely speak these days, those conversations are one sided. Her eyes tell the story though and currently, in rehab, she is kind of sad and it breaks my heart. With that said, in this picture, you can see where I get my smile from. She loves when the grand kids come to visit. So, after coming down from the hysteria last week, all I wanted to do on Sunday was to eat all the bad stuff, all the processed crap. I was hanging by the skin of my teeth and somehow made it out the other side. It was my weakest moment to date. Stress really can be a massive trigger and can rip into you right to the bone. Knowing that I had you all in my corner kept me from making any huge mistakes that could have led to a full relapse. Yikes. Thanks again for the prayers...oh and I weighed in a 226, my lowest weight to date. Onward warriors!
Day 121 - November 22, 2023
Confession Time - Dear friends, thank you for all of the support the past months. I am sorry to say that after 117 days of faithful Carnivore, and after having a very discouraging visit with my mother and her physical therapist, I took a swan dive off the carnivore wagon last Sunday. It was the most upset I have been since she entered the hospital because the long term options, if she does not significantly improve, are daunting. I was so upset that afternoon and by the time I got home I just spiraled out of control. My mind wandered to all the horrible places and I got darker and darker. I tried so hard all day but by that night I was in such a state that I could not escape. There are many things I should have done but I suffered in silence. I closed off the everything and retreated into myself. It was an opportunity to be open and honest with my struggles but instead I was too afraid to show that part of myself to the world...to expose my weakness. It became too much and I cracked for 24 hours and ate all the crap I could find. But... there is a silver lining. The next day I did not hate myself. I did not blame myself. I loved myself and followed the pathway I had learned from Joan Ifland and the addiction reset community. The first thing? Tell someone you trust what happened. I started with my wife and then after that I told all of my friends in the Carnivore Warriors Support Community on FB and the burden began to lift. The support and feedback was overwhelming yesterday as they blew so much wind into my sails that I am so happy to say I am back on track. I have learned so much from this experience but most of all, I have found some grace with myself. In the past I would have stayed in the dark, alone, and would have been so angry at myself and kept eating, eating, eating. No more! I choose to be honest with myself and with everyone - all of you. Carnivore can be very hard! Processed food addiction is real and no matter how far along the path we walk, it is still possible to stumble and fall but we must be open & fiercely honest, to heal. Onward warriors. Thank you all for your support.
Day ??? - December 4, 2023
Good News - Bad News
Good News: Last week I had my yearly physical and weighed in at my lowest weight in over 10 years, 224.9. Not bad. I also did a full blood work and everything looked the best it has in a long time. I am very happy about this and it goes to show that making lifestyle changes is a marathon and not a sprint. I committed to consistent carnivore and did great for about 115 days and then I had my first slip. Overcome with stress and some other factors I ate 100% off plan as many of you know. Since then, and as I had feared, food has gotten tougher and tougher for me. The Bad News: Over the past two weeks I have literally found it very hard to get back at being consistent. I have had numerous days here and there of poor, non-carnivore eating and then days of getting back on track. This is just further evidence for me that processed food addiction is exactly like being addicted to alcohol or any other drug. Abstinence is the only form of freedom for me. As many an alcoholic may tell you, once they have that one drink, it is not long before they are right back where they started and I see that happening to me. It is a slippery slope and I cannot fall down again like I have in years passed and gain the weight back. There is too much at stake. So, I am hereby recommitting to carnivore and to my initial plan. I have gotten distracted and lazy in some of my primary components to stay strong. I stopped journalling - I stopped updating my friends and family following the journey, I simply just stopped communicating at all... In some ways I have been embarrassed by my lack of toughness but even moreso, sometimes, it's how in the grand scheme of things with so many horrible things going on in the world right now it is just embarrassing to be so overly concerned with one's own health - I'm just one fat guy when there are so many atrocities taking place at this very moment. I mean talk about 1st world problems? But, yes, that is just an excuse to allow myself to quit. This is my life and it's the only one I've got. So I am wiping my slate clean. Tomorrow morning, I start again, Day 1, but the best part? I may be starting again but I am already so much closer to my goal. I will get stronger. I will prevail. Thank you again for all of your support. I can imagine my escapades get tiresome to some but I never said that changing 45 years of behavior would be easy. Being a carnivore warrior is not about being perfect, it's about picking yourself up, looking yourself in the eye and taking another step. Merry Christmas my friends. Onward!
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